Becker Institute - Becker Institute | parenting advice | parenting tips

Thanks for asking! Things are going great! In fact, Chad is off his one month grounding today. In that time he managed to bring all of his grades up. When we met with you he had a 2.0 GPA and now he has a 2.8. He knows he can get at least a 3.0 and has made it his goal. He said he's proud of himself. His attitude has been great too. He tells us that this last time he got caught made him realize how stupid he's being. He says he knows it was wrong and that he loves his life and his freedom too much to risk it again. So, we'll see....we will stick to our "Expectations" and keep reminding him. Sean and I both read your book. You have really broken down the basics of parenting and drug influence. It's a scary reality. I feel better having a plan. Before, I felt so much pressure to keep him away from drugs and didn't have the slightest clue how I was going to do that. Grounding him was my only control. But I knew that was just putting off the inevitable. Your suggestions just make sense. We wrote out our expectaions and went over them with both boys. I'll attach them in case you want to see them. Feel free to critique.

We are still having issues with the younger one and his regular "memory loss". That boy constantly forgets to do his chores (even though they are on the frig, on his bedroom wall and is reminded by mom and dad). Losing his privileges doesn't seem to help him remember. I was so disappointed I had to miss your last seminar on privileges. Between both boys' football schedules and getting sick, it's impossible to plan anything right now. If you wouldn't mind letting me know the next time you are going to be speaking, I would love to go. Or maybe I should just purchase the cds.

I don't know if you will remember me or not but I met you and your Grandson at the bay several weeks ago. I was there with a bunch of nurses having a memorial for one of our patients. Anyway, you gave me some ideas of how to potty-train my son, and I wanted to let you know

It took the first hour for him to realize how easy it was to get a toy : ) I did not have the stamina to remind him every hour, however, he reminded me each time he had to go. At first it was just urine but now he is using the potty for stool too. You estimated a week to a month, but truly it worked in a day for the most part. We had several weeks of accidents and wanting diapers but he is doing pretty well now. He is so proud of himself - I know it sounds crazy but I think his self esteem has had a kick start in other areas too (swimming lessons, dressing himself ...).

So thank you from the bottom of my heart for your suggestions - our household is so much more peaceful! (now if you can just get him to listen to me better - ha-ha) Have a great day!

I wanted to share one of many example's of the difference you make. Thank you for coming to our school, you were very well received. Last night at a book group for PRS a woman who attended your lecture raved about the difference your work made in her life. She said that after she did the homework about entitlement and necessities, there was a complete turn around with her kids and it stuck!

Dear Fred,

A most sincere and heartfelt thank you for the recent two trainings held at Pacific Ridge. My husband, Hubert, and I are very grateful to you for sharing your tools, experience and knowledge. For us, the timing was perfect. I had been looking for answers and alternatives to our home issues, which certainly weren't healthy, harmonious or effective. We found the exercises and homework valuable and helpful.

We have already tried a few of your techniques and so far, so good. We will keep working on ourselves, our attitudes, responses and will refer to the notes, often, I am sure.

You mentioned that you would send us information about allowances for children. We would appreciate receiving that information.

We intend to look at the products available on the website, so that we can continue educating ourselves.

Sincerely,
Catherine

Catherine Mowbray Lorenz
Communication Tools for Success
San Diego, California, USA
760.964.9296

Thanks for the excellent workshop. You said we could email you if we wanted more information on flying united. I'm the task manager in the house and quite structured and overall our kids are doing well. My husband is very spur of the moment, not structured, not time sensitive, and much more the creative hang loose type. The kids usually don't play us off each other, but he and I will get into arguments about how rigidly to follow structured rules. Since I'm around more, the house is usually very structured, but my husband feels that I'm creating too much stress in the family by insisting on structured times when he is around (which I will admit that my husband, 14 yr old daughter, and 12 year old son all prefer to have things more relaxed). We both agree that this system has helped our daughter a lot, but both of us worry that our son struggles with capability issues because of the structure at times. Could you email me the flying united handouts that you did not get to?

Also, they were out of the parent quiz after the meeting. Could you send me a document with that too? Thanks again.

Thank you for the good information. Yes, you had many interested parents last night, but we all need our reminders and new techniques, and yes again, kids change. Another parent reminded me of another handout I didn't have: the parent quiz.

Thanks,
Jan

Hi Fred-

My husband and I were lucky enough to see your presentation last night at Pacific Ridge. (We were the ones sitting in the front row right in front of you!) We were so impressed with your comments... I personally went away feeling very hopeful and empowered. I would like my life at home to be more positive and my home to be a place where family members could feel safer. I am dealing with a 14 year old daughter who is very challenging to us...

Could you please forward the materials from the first presentation you made? We missed it. I am very interested in the quiz that you mentioned yesterday. Also, please forward information 1) regarding allowance; 2) flying United and my question would be 3) how do you deal with a child who's room ALWAYS looks like a hurricane hit it?

Thank you again for a most interesting evening. I look forward to hearing from you.
Ellen Osinski

Hi Mr. Becker,

I just attended your presentation at Pacific Ridge School and very much enjoyed it. I've heard you speak several other times, but it really helps to have a refresher course. Also, I was glad that my husband had the opportunity to hear your techniques.

You didn't get a chance to go over allowance and chores and I would like some information on what you recommend. Could you please send me your information?

Also, I have one quick question about your technique for solving sibling fights. After you send the kids outside to "work it out", what do you do when one child says "he's" solved the problem and he's ready to come back in, but the other one, (his younger sister) is still upset and not satisfied with the resolution? I've tried sending them both back outside, but the conflict just escalates. Do they both need to agree on a resolution, or is it okay to have them disagree and still mad at each other, as long as they don't fight?

Thanks for your help.
Brenda Gueirn

Mr. Becker,

Thank you for your encouraging talk tonight. While your points may seem to be common sense (coming as the happy child of solid, no-nonsense Midwest parents), our parent response certainly does get mixed up with emotion, and strays from the ideal reaction. Unfortunately I was unable to attend your first talk, but certainly would appreciate the handouts from that evening. Based on my notes from tonight, those would include the homework sheets, and the privilege vs. entitlement.

I would also like your sheets regarding allowances and united parenting.

Again thank you for the good information, and I look forward to refining our parenting style for the better. I'll keep you posted, probably more good stories from our 10-year old, rather than our 14-year old; however, we couldn't ask for much more or better from either girl at this point. We aim to keep it that way.

Thank you for sharing your experience to help parents and children.

Jan Peters

I saw you speak at ECC near the end of the school year and was really moved and motivated by your presentation. I just don't think enough people have gotten the chance to hear you speak. I am interested in bringing your voice and expertise to a much wider audience if you are interested. I have a real passion for sharing positive information especially as it relates to kids. I currently own a preschool but have three children of my own. One of my children is going to middle school this year in Encinitas. I just thought you were a totally dynamic speaker. You have something special. I think that there are several ways we could get your message out BIG if you wanted to. I totally see you on OPRAH. There are just some things we would need to expand on. (web site, books, ..etc..) I am really interested in marketing the whole Becker Institute. I would definitely start by putting together several local hosting groups in Encinitas. Please let me know if you are interested in getting your message out there.
I think you ROCK and I would like to help you share your message.

Hi Fred, thank you for your e-mail. We have been using lots of the tools you suggested and feel an improvement overall already! We both are working on the positive (no negatives)…it’s rather refreshing for me! I did find myself “helping” her a few times and then realized I was telling her what she should be doing…I later apologized to Ashley – it’s hard for me to keep quiet (when I think I’m actually helping but now realize it’s not) but I will get there! Amazing to me, I gave her a hug one day and the next day she ASKED for a hug!! It made me ask myself when did I STOP doing this with her – just interesting to me that I think I’m positive, loving, etc., but it’s like this huge barrier had been created between us and just in this little bit of time I do feel like …I guess it’s mainly that the communication is coming back or rather that Ashley feels she can talk to us again and I feel like I don’t have to be “mean”/negative!

Also, had another one of her didn’t take her meds/drank – wasn’t sure what to do and originally thought she didn’t have her meds with her when she was staying at someone else’s house. So gave her the What Happened sheet to complete, have not yet discussed it with her – actually didn’t realize she had drank until she completed the sheet, so I found that interesting, and she put as the solution to not drink again…humm..that would be great but I think her answer is just that – a way to “satisfy” her parents?

We are still at the beginning stages of making a plan and hope to complete by the end of this week!!

Thank you again Fred, both Dick & I are implementing your suggestions and I have to say the “schedule” has been more challenging than expected, but that has been really good for Dick & myself already!!

I am one of the many you spoke with today at Pacific Rim Elementary and really got a lot out of your presentation. I had to share with you my experience this afternoon. My three boys got home from school and we all made a snack together chatting. They sat down with their popcorn and two of them immediately started arguing over the comics section of the newspaper. I calmly said that they needed to go outside and resolve this. They looked confused and I repeated the same words. As the younger boys were heading out the door, my non-involved son said “that is a really great idea!”

Next thing I know they are back and I repeated “You need to go outside to resolve this between yourselves.” Before they even got to the front door, they had resolved it and were back sharing the comics between them munching on popcorn. Now, I know this is not instantaneous, but that felt pretty darn good. I will continue to implement and actually look forward to the next argument so we can try this again. Maybe I can even get them all the way outside next time.

I thank you for your suggestions and want you to know that one family will definitely be better off with your reminders of positive energy and firmness.

My husband and I attended a series by Fred Becker several years ago in Vista, California. At that time, our boys were only 4 and 1, and though we found the information very informative, we really weren’t able to utilize as much of it as we would have liked due to their ages. HOWEVER, the boys are now 8 and 5, and we are having a lot of difficulty with our 8 year old. We are dealing with issues of disrespect, lack of personal responsibility, poor sportsmanship and other qualities we DO NOT want to see as he grows into his teenage years.

We would be VERY interested in attending another workshop, however the problem is that a little over 2 years ago, we moved to Texas. The boys and I will be coming to California to visit the first 2 weeks of August. Are there ANY workshops planned during that time in the San Diego area?? If not, does Fred EVER do a personal session with parents? I am truly at my wits end and my husband and I were so impressed by Fred, we REALLY hope there is something we can work out.

Mrs. Hause,

I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to attend Mr. Becker's workshops these past weeks. I have already seen a calming change at home with the girls, the family and our marriage. THANK YOU!!!

Grace

I am the Mentor mom for this MOPS group. I have raised our four children and our foster granddaughter who is now 19 years old. We have 13 grandchildren, and I did licensed day care in our home for 32 years. I feel you are right on, and provide a needed voice and coach for today’s families. Thank You!
Sherry

When parenting styles vary so much between parents how can values be changed and styles blended to create one style?
Crystal

You were amazing. Thank you so much. God has used you to open my eyes in so many ways with my son and I am forever grateful
Jane

I am a parent of a four year old and a second grade teacher. Your talk confirmed what we are going at home and how I run my classroom. Thank you so much! I wish all my friends and students parents could get this message.
Jenn

I really enjoyed this presentation. I have so many questions about my son who was diagnosed with ODD and medication is an issue
Jennifer

I learned some tools to make life with my seven year old grand daughter much easier to live with.
Margaret

I liked the way the information was presented and explained. Basic and logical. A fairlt lean class, which is to the point. This is appreciated because most classes seem to be padded with lots of useless “fluff”.
Sara

Outstanding presentation, the basis are so real, very honest and straight forward. This should be a mandatory class for all new parents.
Diana

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I appreciate your clear, concise presentation. Not only did everything you said hit home and make sense but you also gave us lots of tools to work with. I know my family will all benefit from what I have learned today.
Kimberly

If you are interested in training, workshops or private consulting please feel free to contact me at 760-434-7266 or at fbbecker@sbcglobal.net.

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